Dear Dr. Falwell,
I am not sure if my contribution of $5,000 helped you to reach the $4M goal you set for our pro-life efforts in South Dakota or not. Did we make it to the goal?
Either way, it appears that we failed in passing the abortion ban. Will you be sending a letter of concession to "the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America" since they won?
Some of the dirty libruls are already gloating. Jesus' General wants to know, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" -- Jerry, has God finally forsaken this country? Will Lucif-, I mean, Hillary, win the presidency next? How bad can it get?
Well, even though we didn't take back legal control of every uterus in South Dakota, it isn't all bad news.
The good news is, we are going to keep those dirty queers from getting married in seven more states (AZ is apparently a fag's haven): CO, ID, SC, SD, TN, VA, WI. And, it looks like those long-haired hippies won't be firing up their bongs in Colorado anytime soon, either.
Perhaps God will be merciful a while longer -- I know he detests homos more than he detests baby killers. After all, the Bible says to stone the homos, but it just says that if a man causes a woman to lose her baby, he just has to pay a fine. That somewhat lessens God's wrath then, right, since the Bible clearly states here that a fetus is not equal to an adult's life, and since the Jews weren't allowed to mourn a miscarriage or even a baby that died before 30 days old? Contrariwise, homos (and wearing clothes from blended textiles...and eating shrimp) are an abomination, worthy of stoning!
I heard a lot of so-called "pundits" declare that these same-sex bans were just designed to draw out the Kool-aid drinking Christians. I strongly dissemble that remark. If that were true, it seems to me, we would've won handily in VA, right? I mean, we all know that good Virginians love Jesus and Republicans, and that the Confederacy lives on there. It actually encourages those good ol' Virginians to go out and vote for the man when they learn he proudly displays a Confederate flag in his home and a negro-lynchin-noose in his law office. And, as much as the Rebels of VA love Jesus, they detest those rotten queers...so if that ban really drew out Virginians, why didn't Allen handily win? Dr. Falwell, I believe...help thou mine unbelief!
Don't lose the faith, Pastor Falwell. The Dems may have upset us (and God) this year, and the rotten libruls in SD may have prevailed, but Jesus is coming back soon to make things right.
Yours in Jeebus,
-D
PS: Do you have receipts to show how you spent that $4M on the pro-life campaign in SD? I mean, cause I was hoping some of my $5,000 was left over...to send back to me...if possible.
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