The secret of effective motivation? Steer away from instrumental (external) consequences and incentives. Focus on cultivating the internal drive. Sounds good and all...but how easy / practical is that?
On motivations: there was a clear moment for me when I decided, once and for all, that a Ph.D. in chemistry was not something I wanted anymore. It occurred in November 2013, sitting in the office of my advisor, having (yet) another discussion with her about her disappointment in my work effort (i.e., hours). I really think I can see the big picture from her perspective. She has a huge amount of pressure, sadly, being an as-yet-untenured professor, compounded by the dire fiscal environment created by today's ridiculous Republican Congress. Grant money has always been a competitive thing, but it's now akin to bloodsport, thanks to continuing federal budget cuts.
I remember that I used to sit at my computer a lot in the lab, reading. Sometimes I even read science. I also went for frequent walks, in large part because I felt caged up in the lab. Leaving was the right move; I made the right choice, for many reasons, to seek the M.Ed. Teaching has always been something I enjoyed more than research. If you're "lucky" enough to get a tenure-track professor position, you've put in a sh*t-ton of work during and after the Ph.D. (and post-doc). You have to be willing to move for post-doc and professor positions. And you have to work your a$$ off for six years, whilst driving all your poor grad students to tears regularly, to just be considered for tenure. Not my bag. I am more about saving midnight oil and burning other things.
But I digress...in that moment, speaking with her, I decided just to lay it all out on the table. She was asking something about why I hadn't gotten some experiment or another done (or started). I told her that one of the greatest struggles of my life, since childhood, has been motivation. Specifically, not having much (or any). I will never forget the way her entire body just sunk in her chair when I said that. I really think it's because I quit bullshitting and hit her with the whole truth. And she knew it. And we both knew I was done from that moment.
It was a liberating moment, a boulder rolling off my back. It was a little unsettling that I didn't have a clear plan for how to finish out "the program" and roll over into something else, but I knew I wanted to go back to teaching. And I still do, although I am striving to write some books and my pipe dream involves being a full-time sci-fi novelist.
An old organic professor of mine recommended Dan Pink's Drive during class one day. His book can be summarized pretty simply: autonomy, mastery & purpose. And studies in organization / management psychology have revealed that work is best when centered on the feeling of service to others. Just like the NYT article linked at the start of this post, I have zero doubt that this is an effective approach for 99.99% of us. Sometimes I feel like the 0.01% who have fallow ground inside, unable to cultivate passion or motivation. But a question remains: does it matter what motivates us, so long as the ends are good?
I am not one who garners sympathy. Quite the opposite. I grew up as a kid being praised for being gifted, having so much going for me, and yet I felt completely apathetic. I always felt like people who strived for A's in everything had something to prove, or that they were suckers, like the research professors who pour their entire blood, sweat and tears into their career. Carol Dweck may say that I was a classic case study from her book, plus had some existential angst and a depressive struggle with feelings of futility. I never had anger or resentment to fuel a fire, a burning passion to strive for something, anything...nor did I suffer want, nor need. Is it really just a lack of grit? Character quality defect? Well the one thing that I do seem to wade on through is writing, especially blogging, despite an audience or comments or monetary rewards.
And now I close with what hope I can muster: rather than continuing to outsource my don't-give-a-$hit to more bosses, I think it's high time to get that writing career off the ground.
